Being alone and feeling alone are two fundamentally different things. AKA – I missed the season auditions…again.

I love my kids more than a glass of merlot and a free cheese plate, but it’s amazing how lonely motherhood can be. Or..ONLY motherhood.  Before the big move to the great white north, I had a relatively small social appetite. I like dinner parties, having a few girlfriends over to watch bad TV and the occasional large group hang out at a local karaoke establishment. Now it seems that lacking this large group of eclectic souls surrounding me I am stuck home cleaning and preparing and driving around while the kids are out doing their things and the hubby is fishing.  Mind you…this is my SECOND summer of this. Maybe I should start with the fact that the online presence of the theatre community is severely lacking here in Fargo. FINALLY…after a year of waiting for the local musical theatre company to post their auditions, I found it a week late. And they audition for a whole season at a time. Meaning I have another year of nothing. So completely disheartening I can’t even put the words together quite right.

I suppose there are those moms who would say, “I’m with my kids all the time so I could never be lonely!” Those moms are either crazy or lying. At least that’s the way I see it.  I’m not REALLY alone. I always have a tag along of some sort. I long for “me time” on a regular basis, but I need my OWN things. Time spent doing the things that feed ME. I know this sounds selfish, but we make sure all of our kids have ample opportunities in the way of extracurricular activity, so why should it be any different for the parents? No matter where we live, my husband will always be able to fish. And I am certain SOMEday…I will get into theatre here, but in the meantime I would like to whine about it. So thanks for letting me.

And I really shouldn’t be feeling this way…on the heels of a week with my bestie and her family. Regardless of the weird weather that has decided to descend upon our globe this year, I had a relaxing and fun time, but was sad to see her go. Or at least hug her quickly before she departed after I had fallen back to sleep. Not that I would let her know that at the time. I let her cry and I cried later. It’s my way. 🙂

So in the meantime I will continue to call, text, email and facebook with her. And…drive my kids to the bazillion things they have going on and live vicariously through them. Of course, things will change…in the blink of an eye, as they say. Until they do… it’s a daily struggle between the many true joys of motherhood and the sense that I’m the only person in the world who knows how I feel.



One Comment to “Being alone and feeling alone are two fundamentally different things. AKA – I missed the season auditions…again.”

  1. I do not think you are any different than any of us moms. We all need things that are “ours” to do that allow us to get away from ourselves for a little bit. Theatre and music have always been that for you, even more than socializing. You need to find your outlet to keep a balance in your life. It made me catch my breath in my throat to read that you missed the auditions for the whole season. Who has ever heard of auditioning for a whole season at one time?? Ugh!! I know you have probably checked to make sure you can’t do a late audition?? All that being said, you should call Andy and set up your audition for the worship team! Do it! I shall stay on you until you do! That would give you something to look forward to each week that is you…belting it! I shall continue to text, fb, e-mail, and call as well! Hang in there and know that you are loved…much!


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